After three years in the US, it was time for me to go back to Europe. Change is always difficult, routine is so comforting but I needed to defy and challenge myself. This is not an easy step, I haven't lived in France for 9 years, and here I am, back in Paris, well in Paris suburbs.
I have (almost) completed my MBA (I am still working on my capstone project about the digital challenges for a publishing company in the US). I had a wonderful experience getting to know the company I am working on and their processes. It was a really amazing opportunity and rewarding experience.
I also volunteered for different non for profits, I was a career development coach, a French teacher and an accounting assistant. Obviously, I had some student jobs, I was a French tutor and also a PA. All those experiences were very rewarding. I learnt so much dealing with so many varied and different people. I had the opportunity to follow the progress and life of extraordinary people and I am so grateful.
Now, it's the time for me to really enter, or reenter, the work environment. I am so motivated, so eager to take on new challenges, so available! I want to contribute, participate, learn, grow and spread my enthusiasm and energy. I am so excited for this new adventure! I am coming back here without an idea where I will end up: London, Paris, Madrid?
At the same time, it is very frightening because not only I left a city and friends that I deeply love, but also my husband. We will live separately for "we don't know how long" because we both want to grow professionally and we can't do it in the same country for now.
Many people worry about this situation, about what will happen and why can't I just stay for a while. It's hard to explain how I feel and keep quiet. Nevertheless, I am moving not only for me but for my marriage.
Let me explain. I came in the US with my husband and all the illusions of the "American Dream, everything is possible here". Maybe I am exaggerating a bit but I had always wanted to live and work in the US. I wanted to experience the US management and cultural approach to work. However, I experienced frustration and anger.
My visa in the US is called the depression visa, and no, it's not exaggerated, it's a really a cursed visa. This is a visa that makes you stop believing in yourself and your professional abilities. This is a visa in which there are so many days you don't want to get up. This is a visa that makes you entirely dependent of your spouse. This is a visa that makes you disappear basically. This is a visa that still make me doubt I will be able to raise again.
But I am fierce, I want to try and this is why we decided I would go back to Europe to start working and following my own career path. I had my ups and my downs during these three years, but I am not defeated. I took whatever energy I had left and flew to Europe.
So while people may worry about my marriage, I wonder how didn't they worry before about my well being, health and sanity as well as my husband's one? Most people never understood our situation and that make them think that life is going to be harder for us now. Sincerely, the hardest part for us has been communicating, listening and understanding each other during these three years, for him, expressing his feeling of helplessness and for me, my frustration as well as the shame of showing it. Our relationship grew a lot and has never been stronger, but staying in the US would have converted us into two miserable persons.
I have no idea where this will lead us but I'm confident it's an amazing opportunity for both of us to grow. At the end, we will always have each other!